Women Who Oppress Dudes' Wieners

[caption id=“attachment_328” align=“alignleft” width=“133” caption=“The savior of men.”]

According to some dudes the whole “seduction community” is actually not, like you might at first think, a bunch of creepy not-technically-rapists - they’re really virtuous freedom fighters , saving men and women from the evils of female privilege. You see, men are horribly oppressed when it comes to sex and dating. They need sex so, so bad and stupid women just refuse to give it to them when they ask! It’s terribly shocking, I know. Luckily we have these dudes who tell us how we can [follow the lead of Slick Rick]

and finally all get our dicks wet!

(Yeah, I know. Some men like men, some women like women. I hear ya people. The thing is, for these dudes homosexuals are invisible and bisexuals are just extra hot ladies.)

Here is how these guys seem to see the world, and why they think men have it so bad:

1. Women are swimming in a sea of dicks. 2. Men live in a vagina desert.

You might wonder why, given that the number of vagina-craving men and penis-craving women in the world are about equal, there is such a huge imbalance in the sweet, sweet loving that most people, presumably, want to have happen. I’ve read about what these guys believe is happening (and oh, how oppressive it is!) and it seems to boil down to the following “facts”:

• Most women are cold bitches who only want to sleep with assholes. Most men aren’t assholes.
  • Women don’t really know what they want.
  • Women are confusing and dude-brains are too rational to understand the cloudy pink mazes of their lady-minds.

So pick up “artists” use magic tricks to level the playing field. It seems to work by making women think you’re an asshole, but just the right kind of asshole for them; knowing what women want better than they do; applying your naturally rational male brain to turn human social interaction into a game you can win.

There are many problems with this belief system. First, it’s wrong. Second, you’re not entitled to shit from anyone. Third, you’re basically saying that you are so foul and un-bangable that you have to trick people into having sex with you. “Seduction” advocates, though, claim that it works for them and us pesky feminists simply refuse to tell them how to get laid!

[caption id=“attachment_338” align=“alignright” width=“200” caption=“Girl Magnet”]

Okay, it’s not my job to tell you how to get laid. I’m a nice guy, though, and since you asked so nicely I will give you my own patented, fool-proof system for getting ladies to have sex with me:

1. Meet a woman in a social setting. 2. Introduce yourself to the woman and engage in conversation to find out what interests, values, or beliefs you share. 3. Repeat conversation with the woman about those things you both find interesting. Listen to what she has to say and agree or disagree in a friendly manner. 4. In a non-threatening and friendly manner ask the woman to join you in a more private venue to continue enjoying one another’s company, either right then or at a later date. 5. This step depends on if she accepts your proposal:
2. If she says yes, now it is usually okay to let her know, politely that you fancy her. If she fancies you back, you’re on your way to Sexytown! 7. If she says no, enjoy the conversation and rest assured you will meet other women in the very near future.

There you have it. I assure you gentlemen, approximately 20% of the time, it works every time. And by following this system no one thinks you’re horrible! It’s really a win-win for everyone.

• Sasha Pixlee