Person 1: You’re the one that has a problem w/ a safety tool available to women. Or are you one of the “teach men not to rape” girls?! Person 2: god forbid anyone teach men not to rape! 😐 Person 1: You truly believe #rape is taught/untaught?! It isn’t! That suggests EVERY man is a potential rapist!

I saw the conversation to the left on Twitter tonight and it made me angry. It made me angry because its ridiculous. If this is the reason why so many people are opposed to rape prevention efforts that prioritize educating men, then all me to say out loud for everyone to hear:

** UPDATED 03/18/2014 8:18AM PDT **

I thought that I had written all that needed to be said about the decietful, misogynist, forced-birth advocating, so called “secular pro life” movement two years ago . I didn’t realize then that the current mostly-male “leadership” of the secular movement was composed almost entirely of misogynists, abusers, liars, and morally-bankrupt cowards. Those who are not anti-woman seem to be so obsessed with courting “allies” that they have no problems throwing women under the bus to advance their petty agendas.

I have supported and also criticized American Atheists over the years. Today I’m frustrated and am offering some criticism. Criticism that I hope is listened too. I’m an atheist and I want atheist organizations to prosper, but I also want them to reflect my values.

Today AA issues a new press release & announcing six new billboards.

American Atheists launched six billboards on Monday in central New Jersey attacking the non-helpful responses by some religions to recent natural disasters. These responses have included praying for the victims and sending bibles and rosaries instead of requested relief supplies that can save lives.

There is an event happening in Ohio on November 2nd that might shock and surprise you for many reasons. It’s an event to celebrate& & Día de Muertos, the Mexican holiday to commemorate and celebrate reflect upon your dead ancestors and loved ones, with a BDSM play party. We’re grown ups and we know people have sex and even have kinky sex in groups. The part that may be a shock for some is that the organizer of the event is a self-described “diversity” educator. That’s right: this crass event of cultural appropriation, where a holiday for remembering your dead friends and family is being used as exotic set dressing for an orgy is being organized by someone who thinks they are helping fight racism. But if you’re surprised, it probably because you’re white. Why do I feel comfortable making an assumption like that? Because of how privilege works.

[MISSING IMAGE]

From one cis hetero white man to another: Shut the fuck up.

I realize none of this is likely to make much of a difference to you, because you’re not about accountability or criticism. No, not you Hugo. But you’re hurting people. You are being an abuser. You are verbally abusing women of color, and then you apologize and cry about your mental illness and “go away”…but you come back. I think you will always come back so long as you feel like you can get away with it. Because I think you like to feel important. It seems that negative attention is almost as good as positive for you, and maybe there’s that inner abuser that’s really the core of who you are Hugo. Maybe the “real’” Hugo isn’t the man who writes about consent, but is instead the man who tried to kill his girlfriend. I think maybe that is the real you. I think maybe you used your mainstream white handsomeness and your abuser’s facility at bullshit to talk your way into spaces where you could victimize on a grand scale.

Everyone is piling on Miley Cyrus for her performance at the Mtv VMAs last night. I’ve seen her called “skank”, “attention whore”, her body being criticized as unwomanly and undesireable, and even someone saying she “covered herself in STDs and crack”. Others have talked about Robin Thicke and criticized the appropriateness of a married 36 year old dancing in a sexually suggestive way with a 20 year old women. All of those are stupid things to talk about. They are sex negative, misogynist, slut shaming, body policing nonsense. In the “STDs and crack” line you get bonus racist dog whistles, and as for the whole age-difference and suggestions of infidelity in the Cyrus/Thicke pairing, it’s really not any of our place to speculate on what two adults and their partners see, do, or tolerate. Shut all the way up about any of that for now.

I have wanted to talk about something for years and I think maybe now is the right time to talk about it. I want to show my support for both Karen Stollznow * and Carrie Poppy by sharing my own rather unpleasant experiences with DJ Grothe. I want to show that their experiences are not isolated incidents. They are part of a larger picture and are important.

It’s sort of known among certain people in the skepticoatheirationalist sphere that DJ Grothe is not terribly fond of me. Back in 2011 I contacted the speakers at that year’s TAM and asked them to consider including a mention of the importance of diversity and equality within our communities. Mr. Grothe (and some of the speakers) were not pleased by this. I think that is possibly when he started to dislike me and believe (erroneously) that I wanted to destroy the JREF.

As an ally, my words are likely to be given more “weight” in a discussion by many people. There are a lot of reasons for this. The main reason is that I have a lot of social privilege as a straight, white, able-bodied, cis man. I’m someone who is at the top of a lot of oppression hierarchies. Another reason is that people have this idea of “objectivity” that is just plain wrong, because no one is objective.

I was at the Center for Inquiry’s second Women in Secularism conference last month. It was one of the best secular conferences I have ever attended and I hope there is another one next year. The staff, especially Melody Hensley did a remarkable job and I applaud them.

There were two dark clouds at the conference that dampened many people’s enjoyment. One was a notorious part time “activist” and full time attention seeker who attended the conference in order to taunt feminists and report back to his vile, hateful, and dangerous friends at A Voice for Men. The other was Ronald Lindsay, the CEO of the Center for Inquiry, delivering opening remarks that offended many, if nor most, of the attendees and speakers. He then chose not to attend a fundraising dinner (where the people who felt he had insulted them were asked to donate money above and beyond the $250 event ticket) so that he could write a retort to the criticism of his remarks. A retort in which he said some very impolitic and unprofessional things about one of his speakers in particular. I was late arriving at the conference so I missed his talk and haven’t said anything publicly about this all. I have, however, been watching to see CFI’s response after their board met to discuss the affair.

But why don’t they turn on the barbarians and stop them?

Yesterday Richard Dawkins continued his recent campaign of xenophobia on Twitter with the following:

Of COURSE most Muslims are decent people. But why don’t they turn on the barbarians and stop them? — Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) March 10, 2013

It seems like such a simple question, doesn’t it? I assume Richard Dawkins thinks of himself as a decent person, as most atheists (OF COURSE) are, but why then does he not turn on the racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, and ableist “barbarians” in our midst? Why is Dr. Dawkins not allying himself with his fellow atheists who want to fix within our own community the very same problems he sees as evidence of the evils of Islam.

I’ve been running More Than Men for a year now (even longer if you count the pre-launch preparation we did) and I’m more proud than you can know of what I’ve done and the response we’ve generated – even the backlash from anti-feminists makes me proud. Unfortunately I need to step away for a few month to take care of some personal affairs. It breaks my heart to do so but I can’t keep doing this and also keep doing the things I need to do in my private life and be successful at either.

Over on Twitter the always fantastic Natalie Reed made a point about something that has been stewing in the back of my head for a while. Thanks to her I now know what to say. I made a handy Storify compilation for you to see what she had to say, below the cut.

View the story “Lookism and the face of misogyny” on Storify

See? That dude wasn’t really very creepy looking, was he? Now look at this picture of me on the right and pretend you don’t know who I am. You just see my picture without knowing I’m smart, funny, and run this blog. WHAT A FAT FUCKING NECKBEARD, AM I RIGHT? THAT DUDE IS SERIOUSLY CREEPY AND WEIRD! I WONDER HOW MANY GIGS OF BESTIALITY PORN HE HAS?? It’s okay, I get it. sexist people have (I guess) pointed it out that I am a weird fatso . But my question to you is: Why does that matter?

I’ve written before about San Francisco’s wife-beating sheriff and his fight to stay in office despite being on probation and, you know, not exactly being someone I would trust to have the best interests of domestic violence victims at heart. Well, it turns out that 4 of the city supervisors thing it’s super cool to have an admitted domestic abuser serving as the city’s top law enforcement official…while on probation.

[I was recently tipped off to a wonderful post by Ana Mardoll over on her blog. It’s part of her excellent Deconstruction series and she was kind enough to let me re-post it here.]

Content Note: Rape Culture Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of comments on the interwebs from genuinely nice guys who want to know how to be good feminist allies in this shitty rape culture world we live in. And it’s a more complicated question that it looks, since there’s a lot of conflicting advice out there about white knighting (which in itself is a confusing term with about four distinct and sometimes mutually exclusive meanings) and helpful-versus-unhelpful anger and nice guyism and creepers and OMG PARALYZED BY THE POSSIBILITY FOR WRONGNESS.

Last night the Republican party was able to share with us all an important lesson: In the modern world alienating women, people with disabilities, and racial & sexual minorities is a losing proposition. Even Republicans are admitting that this is not our parents’ America .

The Republican Rape Squad of Mourdock and Akin were resoundingly defeated , despite running in fairly conservative districts. Marriage equality won big . Women in elected office are now at historic highs in the face of sexist antagonism and antipathy from the Republican party. Barack Obama was elected to a second term despite a concerted campaign of lies against him , a disadvantage due to his race , and failing to give everyone unicorns during his first term.

It’s been a week since Justin Vacula resigned from his leadership position with the Secular Coalition for America, but people are still talking about it. I supported, and signed the petition asking for him to be removed. Vacula resigned without any need for the SCA to act. That’s not what I’m here for today.

I’ve noticed a recurring meme from Vacula’s defenders and from those who are “trying to be neutral.” This is regarding the post Justin prepared for A Voice for Men . People say we need to judge his post on its own merits and basically ignore where Vacula chose to post it. Bullshit, I say. Ridiculous. To not consider the venue is to not understand the message.

Juana Inés de la Cruz was a self-taught scholar , scientist, and poet - and later a nun - in Mexico during the 17th century. You’re learning about her because I recently read one of her poems that proves that Nice Guys and slut shaming are nothing new.

si con ansia sin igual solicitáis su desdén, ¿por qué quereis que obren bien si las incitáis al mal?

This year I was really bummed to be unable to attend Melody Hensley ’s fantastic, important, and much needed Women in Secularism conference. I was thrilled to learn that there would be a second one and even more thrilled when I saw the fantastic lineup of speakers Melody has recruited. I will be there in May 2013 and you should be, too – especially if you’re a dude.

Religion and the cultural we share with the religious has a unique and problematic relationship with women. If we want to use our secularism to improve the world and free people from the grip of religious dogma we need to examine the experiences and problems of all of humanity. Women in Secularism is a great step in that direction. I hope that the continued success of the event will lead to other large conferences on LGBT people, people of color, people with disabilities – all withing secularism, just where we want everyone to be.

(This post is actually part of my homework in Women’s Studies this week. I hope I get a good grade.)

How to convince men to be allies to women is something I have been trying to master for more than a year now, most actively since I started my blogging project with the new year. It’s honestly not an easy task. The biggest response I get is a lot of apathy from other men, and then I get the occasional outright enmity from some die-hards I can only call misogynists.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes caring publicly about equality and making a point of being visibly not-horrible can sometimes be exhausting and demoralizing. The relentless and obsessive attacks on people, especially women, who speak out against misogyny and hate really fuck with my head. I’ve struggled with depression my whole life and it’s pretty triggering for me. Many is the evening or weekend I spend holed-up at home because I’m just sick of the world and everyone in it. No wonder some of us need to quit.

I’m borrowing my title from Joanna Russ’s 1982 skewering of the ways that women and minorities are prevented from having a written voice. In the book Russ examines 11 ways the writing of women is suppressed:

• Prohibitions
• Bad Faith
• Denial of Agency
• Pollution of Agency
• The Double Standard of Content
• False Categorizing
• Isolation
• Anomalousness
• Lack of Models
• Responses
• Aesthetics

I’d like to propose a 12th method for our new internet age: Call her names and relentlessly stalk her online until she can’t take it any more. Way to go, shitlord crusaders of our bold new age of global communication. You piled on Jen McCreight until she decided that she’d rather just have a nice life .

Everyone’s talking about Atheism Plus, new-new-atheism, social justice atheism, whatever you feel like calling it. I already shared the thoughts I had been having along those lines, and now I want to really get in to where I stand on things.

I support Atheism Plus, at least in so far as I support atheists caring about social justice and equality. If I could be said that I have any reservations or concerns about this new “movement” it is that apathy will eventually lead to it being a bunch of relatively privileged people paying lip service to social justice and equality, but not really doing much about it. I called for action and I aim to act.

For some, skeptical atheism took a turn for the revolutionary this weekend. There’s a mood in the air that had me write an earlier draft of this post. Then Jen McCreight beat me to it with her brilliant post calling for a new wave of atheism. Ophelia Benson , Jason Thibaeult , and Greta Christina soon blogged their support. Jen followed up with a crowd sourced name for this new wave and a report that grassroots support is, at the moment, growing. You can add my voice to that chorus.

Coffee Loving Skeptic, who seems to want desperately to be Rebecca Watson’s bête noire posted this super hilarious(ly badly Photoshopped) image on his Facebook wall . What I find really interesting, and telling, and instructive here is that the picture is obviously intended to cause offense and outrage in the targeted people, Ms. Watson and PZ Myers. In the image, calculated for outrage, he accuses his victims of profitting from “manufactured outrage”.

As if creating the beloved and beautiful Surly-Ramics jewelry that has become one of the main social signifiers of the skeptic, atheist, nerd, and smartypants sets weren’t enough, Amy Davis Roth keeps bringing the awesome with her writing on Skepchick and at Mad Art Lab , plus her frequent appearances as a speaker and panelist. Then she goes and raises money to send women to the largest skeptic event on the planet as well as helping cure cancer. You’d think that would be enough to be fully qualified as a badass, but then she goes and does even more.

Here in San Francisco domestic violence has been in the news for all of 2012. The abuser just happens to be our sheriff. I’m bringing it up because it’s a public case that documents many of the strategies employed by misogynist shitlords when they’re confronted by distaste from decent people.

Ross Mirkarimi was elected sheriff of the city and county of San Francisco in November of 2011. Over New Year’s Mirkarimi and his wife Eliana Lopez got into an argument that became physical. Lopez went to a neighbor who was a fundraiser for Mirkarimi’s election campaign . Lopez showed the neighbor bruises and made a video to document the abuse. Lopez told the neighbor that she wanted to document the abuse because of fears that Mirkarimi would take their children away from her. Lopez indicated that she had been telling Mirkarimi that they “need help.” The next day Lopez contacted the neighbor and implored her not to contact the police about the abuse. Two days after that, on January 4th the neighbor did call the police. The investigation became public on Friday the 6th – two days before Mirkarimi was due to assume his duties as sheriff. Under a cloud of controversy - but with no charges formally pressed – Mirkarimi was sworn in as sheriff on January 8th.

More The Men is not about me, it’s about all men speaking out in favor of diversity. Last week I asked people to comment here, email me , or link me to comments elsewhere where they, as ordinary guys, speak out against the recent campaign of misogynistic abuse directed at women in our communities. Many of you took a stand and told the haters that you are not on their side:

I’m 36 years old and I’ve never raped anyone. I recently spent almost a whole day reading that now infamous Reddit thread [serious trigger warnings for all sorts of awfulness] inviting sexual abusers and rapists to tell their side the story. I didn’t want to read it at first. I read the articles about it. I circled it…and then like probing an open wound I kept worrying at it. I wanted to understand why. I read and was depressed, sickened, angered. And I noticed some unifying themes.

On Sunday Surly Amy answered a question from a reader about how to deal with all the vile hate being directed at outspoken women. She provided some examples of the stuff out there being directed at feminist women, and it’s pretty despicable. I’m sure most of you reading this have seen it’s like before and have asked yourself& “What can I do?” The answer is alarmingly simple. You can speak out.

Because of my name and the poor reading comprehension of most misogynists I’ve gotten one rape threat while writing about feminism. That’s nothing compared to what women get. The way society tries to silence women is appalling and well documented. It really turns the stomach of anyone with a trace of humanity. Society has other, gentler, ways of silencing and dismissing feminist men, though. I want to talk about those today, not to climb on a cross or to equate what male feminists like me experience to what women encounter, but to show men that they’re not alone when these things get hurled at them. I want other men to know they’re not alone and that they don’t have to be silent or feign neutrality about equality just because society wants them to.

Since women in the industrialized world have things so good compared to women in countries run by brown religious people and should just STFU already about sexism in their lives, I have prepared a handy list of things you should stop talking about because there are so many worse things happening in the world.

• Stop writing about or investigating ghosts and cryptozoology at home. Don’t you know there are people being killed as witches in Africa?
• Stop complaining about what religious conservatives are doing in your own country. Aren’t you aware that atheism and blasphemy carry a death sentence in other countries?
• Don’t worry your little head about the science curricula in your locals schools. Some countries don’t even have schools.
• Worrying about herd immunity and vaccine denialism in industrialized nations is pretty stupid when you consider that in some countries people think that raping a virgin cures AIDS.

I think you see what I’m doing here. My point is that anti-feminists who say “It’s worse for women elsewhere, so STFU” are hypocrites and are seasoning their hypocrisy with some xenophobic racism. Please remind them of that (or direct them here) when you see them dismiss people working toward equality.

I’m tired of calling the discussion about sexism within the skeptic and atheist movements a “controversy”. As I see it, what myself and others who talk about the fact that our communities are as subject to sexism (and racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc) as the rest of society are encountering is denialism. Look, we know that skeptics and atheists aren’t perfect. Aspiring to an ideal of rationality and fairness doesn’t make us perfect, it just means we’re trying to be better. As we know, there are prominent skeptics involved in serious legal troubles. There are prominent skeptics with troubling views about climate change. Skeptics and atheists are people, flawed and aspiring to be better – just like everyone in the world.

We all know about this latest Daniel Tosh thing . As Lindy West explains , you can make a rape joke if you’re doing comedy right. This got me thinking of what passes for “comedy” with most skeptics and atheists. It’s shit. Horrible, horrible shit. First you have the “science comedians” or “atheist comedians” who have tepid, hacky jokes pandering the the interests and opinions of skeptics and atheists. Here’s a made up example:

Their main argument, as far as I can tell in between the derailing, namecalling, Godwinning, and other extreme ridiculousness is that it’s unnecessary and punitive to have a freedom-crippling set of rules governing how people treat each other. They seem to be saying that decent people are decent and most people are decent and anyway those online rape threats are just weirdos who never go anywhere and anyway they never saw anyone being sexually harassed at a conference. I think that’s how it goes.

We atheists know that creationism relies on bad logic and laughable arguments. Here’s what’s super interesting (though not at all surprising): anti-feminist creationists and anti-feminist atheists use the same shitty logic and laughable arguments when it comes to crapping on women!

Over the on Uncommon Descent - a site “serving the intelligent design community - someone going by “scordova” tries to beat up on Rebecca Watson using basically the same ridiculous nonsense reactionary and hateful atheists have been using to try and pillory her about being a woman for years. What’s super amusing is that the writer thanks Thunderf00t for tipping them off to how messed up and female Rebecca is. Has Mr. Give-me-leg-biting-or-give-me-death decided that crushing female resistance is more important than his atheistic principles, or did creationists just hear about Ms. Watson’s crimes against masculinity through his “work”? Probably the latter, but the idea of these skeptical atheists who hyperventilate over uppity ladies deciding that feminism is an enemy-of-my-enemy-is-my-friend situation and allying themselves with creationist lunatics is…sort of delightful.

MRAs, anti-feminists, and general dudebros are fond of responding to feminists and just-not-horrible people (especially women) by whining making strongly worded claims of misandry. Inspired by the amazing How To Be A Reverse-Racist: An Actual Step by Step List For Oppressing White People by A. D. Song and Mia McKenzie I’ve created this handy guide to using the inherently unfair (to men) system to create a gynocratic fempire that I would like to call Misandria.

Today I’m sharing a guest post from Huey P. Newton , one of the co-founders of the Black Panther Party. I love, love, love this piece because it represents exactly the kind of self-reflection that inspired me and that we hope to inspire here at More Than Men. This is the entire text of a speech Newton delivered on August 15, 1970. Enjoy. - Sasha

During the past few years strong movements have developed among women and among homosexuals seeking their liberation. There has been some uncertainty about how to relate to these movements.

Those of us who argue for diversity are prone to empathy. We not only see that our position is logical and reasonable, but we are passionate about it. We feel about these things very strongly. These issues matter to us very much. It’s why we’re so prone to burnout. We pour are hearts into this and it hurts us when we’re attacked about these things. Since More Than Men started at the beginning of the year I have felt used up and beat up and emotionally exhausted several times, and I don’t even get the worst sort of abuse. The only rape threat I ever received was from someone who didn’t even care enough to notice that I’m a guy.

Saladin Ahmed is a Muslim, Arab-American fantasy writer. (If you enjoy fantastic fiction, I recommend his novel [Throne of the Crescent Moon[(https://www.amazon.com/Throne-Crescent-Moon-Kingdoms/dp/0756407117/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_1)].) As you’d expect he’s experienced some racism and religious bigotry directed at he and his family, especially since 2001. Last August he was asked if that hate was something he had experienced in the publishing trade, to which he replied:

“…talking about this or that sector of society as being less or more racist is kind of like talking about this or that part of the ocean being less or more wet.”

We’re still working on building our list of secular/skeptical/science events with harassment policies . It’s grown some since we started, but we need your help. Even if you don’t know about the policy, please comment here with the name of an event you attend or organize and, ideally, a link to their webpage. I’ll do the work of tracking down a policy they may have that we can’t find.

I think this is a non-controversial but important step. The more it becomes the norm for our events to articulate their willingness and desire to make everyone welcome the better things will be for everyone who attends. (After we have a good frip on harassment policies I hope to start a similar resource for disability accommodations.)

I’m a big fan of the Secular Student Alliance . For more than a decade they have been helping secular students organize for mutual support and activism. They provide resources to students, educators, and alumni to make schools safer and more welcoming for secularists. They are a true grass roots organization that is training and empowering the next generation of secular leaders and thinkers. They are also more diverse than most secular groups with older memberships. All this is awesome stuff and I’m a moral as well as financial supporter.

As I wrote on Wednesday , I don’t see how there is anything controversial about events having or enforcing policies about harassment. We’ve even started building a list of existing harassment policies at conferences as a resource for event organizers, attendees, and speakers. Unfortunately it does seem like a lot of people do think these policies are a bad idea for our events.

One reason I’ve seen given in opposition to harassment policies is that they are prudish and they inhibit the ability for adults to express their sexuality. Basically they say that these policies have a “chilling”& effect on skeptics and atheists meeting and having sex at conferences. Others argue that not having and enforcing these policies have a “chilling” effect on women attending in large numbers.

When asked what to do to make skeptic and atheist events feel more safe for women attendees and speakers, Stephanie Zvan blogged about a pretty simple thing to do: institute, publicize, and enforce anti-harassment policies . This is such an obvious step that I’m surprised every event doesn’t have a clear policy in place. While there are some wild-eyed contrarians (and possible assholes) who think that harassment policies are oppressive and horrible , most people seem to agree that they’re a good idea and Stephanie’s post is making some real progress .

In Wednesday’s post I implied that a lot of people think that combating sexism, homophobia, transphobia, racism, and ableism are too political and are not really something that skeptics should be worried about. Obviously I disagree but there are well known skeptic speakers who definitely think that those are not a part of “scientific skepticism” and we should instead only talk about ghost lights, psychics, and how stupid Catholics are. The idea seems to be that there was a “skeptical canon” established some time in the mid-20th century and that if we apply skepticism outside that we’re doing skepticism wrong or are “being political” and not rational. On the other hand, lots of skeptics I know think that, for example, cryptozoology is kind of silly and is a waste of time.

[caption id=“attachment_961” align=“alignleft” width=“150” caption=“This is what misogynists think of men who support women. (Source: What Men Are Saying About Women)”]

About a month ago, I was asked by an anti-feminist MRA on Twitter why I “believe in feminism”. I glibly replied that I am a feminist because I’m not a horrible person. The thing is, he’s not the only man who seems surprised by men who label themselves as a feminist and who work passionately toward equality for women. Perhaps I ought to explain where I am coming from and why this is important to me. Perhaps that will help other men understand why it should be important to them.

Wednesday’s post only got one comment here on the site, but I’ve looked at the discussion elsewhere on the web. Some people have said that when I see warning signs for misogyny I’m really just being mean and hateful to people with old fashioned values. I would argue that in many cases “old fashioned values” are misogynist, racist, and homophobic, but apparently some disagree.

What are some old fashioned values that are used to perpetuate and reinforce bigotry? What are some old fashioned values that are worth keeping?

I’m a single guy who uses OkCupid to meet people, occasionally to hilarious effect . I also have a lot of women friends who date online and run in to guys who are pretty horrible. It also turns out that not everyone, male or female, is super skilled at spotting misogyny warning signs. That got me thinking ,which now got you this post.

A lot of these might seem really obvious, but in my experience these red flags are sometimes missed because when we’re looking for romance or sex online we’re often trying to see the best in people because we know that expressing yourself through a profile can be hard. It’s also true that many of these don’t necessarily mean the guy is a creep, but it’s a good idea to proceed with caution when things like this crop up.

On Wednesday I wrote about a man who was influential in my evolution from stupid and entitled to less stupid and less entitled. Often when I am together with pro-equality, feminist, or social justice peeps we talk about how often we’re disappointed by the prominent men in our communities. Lets be positive for a change.

Who are your progressive male role models? Who has inspired you to be a better person? What particular lessons have you taken from them?

I’m writing this after having learned of the unfortunate and tragically young death of Adam Yauch, better known as MCA of the Beastie Boys. He died on Friday, May 4, 2012 — only 47 years old — from causes related to the cancer he was diagnosed with in 2009. Though only 11 years older than I am, he was one of the men who helped me become a feminist, a progressive, and less horrible over all.

Not too long ago I tweeted a link to this video, because I liked it.

Then someone replied that they’d like to see the video about things men actually say to men who say shit to women on the street. They had a real point. There’s a lot of silence from men and women both in response to street harassment. There’s a lot of silence about inappropriate behavior in public in general.

It’s often hard to keep promoting diversity in the world. The skeptic an atheist communities have a “big tent” that celebrates misogynists that deny the scientific facts of climate change and rewards misogynists that promote dangerous anti-vaccination nonsense but when we talk about how our movements can and should address and support issues unique to women, racial minorities, and the disabled, the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and trans community we are told we’re reaching too far and are out of line. Unless of course foreign brown people are using their religions to hurt those groups.

![](/uploads/2012/04/

After I leave work this evening I’m headed to Berkeley for SkeptiCal 2012 . If you’re in northern California you should really consider joining us. You can watch me drink whiskey in person!

This has got me thinking about skeptic and atheist conferences. What are they for? I’m going to let you in on a secret: When I go to conferences and cons (even science fiction and gaming cons) I almost never go to any programming. I usually average about two hours of official content in a weekend. I go to these things for the community. I go to talk and drink and socialize with people who share my beliefs and values.

[caption id=“attachment_858” align=“alignleft” width=“209” caption=“There aren’t many D&D characters who look like this.”]

Today I’m going to put on my nerd hat. I’m a tabletop roleplayer. I’ve been playing D&D and similar games since I was 12: 24 years. Over on Tor.com Mordicai Knode wrote a great editorial calling for a greater depiction of diversity in the human characters from the art directors of the upcoming new edition of Dungeons & Dragons. Most commenters are in favorite of the idea. Some even pointed to a great Kickstarter projec t to hire artists to create a free library of art depicting diverse heroes for other creators to use. I applaud this project and encourage you to donate.

There is a debate within feminism about men. That debate is whether a man can really call himself a feminist. Some argue that since men have privilege that women do not have we cannot really understand the lives of women and therefore can be pro-feminist nit not actually be called feminists. Others say that this is limiting and is in it’s own way sexist, creating a women-only club that needlessly excludes male allies.

[caption id=“attachment_841” align=“alignleft” width=“150” caption=““I just see…people.””]

One thing that white men like myself really love to say is “I just see people.” This is super easy for us to do. It lets us tell the world “Hey, I totally don’t mind that you’re black/a woman/disabled/queer/trans” while also apparently letting us get out of actually acknowledging privilege and oppression. It also lets us change the subject so that we don’t have to keep listening to oppressed people’s feelings. THe thing is, you can’t opt out of society that way. People of color are oppressed. Women are oppressed. Disabled people are oppressed. Queer people are oppressed. Trans people are oppressed. Just because we aren’t oppressed and just because we don’t personally have a problem with any of those oppressed people doesn’t mean we get away with just saying “I just see people” and changing the subject.

Good, it’s Friday. I’ve written before about microaggressions , those tiny, maybe apparently innocuous phrases, questions or comments that make us feel excluded, insulted, or objectified. I had one of those happened to me yesterday. Remember how Wednesday I wrote about my body and how my deviation from our cultural “norm” sometimes makes people feel entitled to treat me as an object? The very next day I was riding my train home from work. I was listening to music and reading. A teenager stopped in front of me and started talking. I paused the music, set down my Kindle and said “What?” The kid replied “I’m selling chocolate to raise money for school. Want to help? I know you like candy.” Because I’m fat, ya know.

[caption id=“attachment_818” align=“alignleft” width=“150” caption=“Your freakish author with Phil Plait, 2011 (Photo: Taylor Proctor)”]

I’m a very large man. I’m 6'5" (~196 cm) tall and weigh in around 400 pounds (~181 kg). I started losing my hair when I was 16 years old. I wear glasses. Those are things I have little-to-no control over. I also have tattoos that are almost always visible and a beard ranging from goatee-and-mustache with stubble to full, depending on how ambitious I’ve been lately. I’m funny looking. My appearance attracts attention.

Whenever someone points out that someone, somewhere has said or done something sexist there’s a dude who chimes in with “But not all men are like that…” Then they or someone else gets angry and says that the person pointing out the sexism is a bigot or a misandrist or is making sloppy generalization because, you know, not all men are like that. (We’ll save for another time why so many male atheists think “not all Christians are like that” is silly but stick to their guns on this one.) I get angry too when someone points out sexism. I get angry at the sexists.

After work today I’m heading to literary science fiction/fantasy convention. I’m pretty excited. It’s probably too late for you this year, but next year you should consider going to FOGcon here in the San Francisco Bay Area. I’ll buy you a drink.

Anyhow, FOGcon has a clearly articulated and posted policy on harassment . This is something many conventions and conferences do. TAM has one as well , but there was a bit of a furor over it, including talk of boycotting the event.

[caption id=“attachment_795” align=“alignright” width=“200” caption=“Some men see this as a trophy holding a trophy.”]

Over on Cracked.com David Wong has a piece titled “5 Ways Modern Men Are Trained to Hate Women ” that I though would be useful as a tool to explain the ways that the “But I’m an atheist…” argument doesn’t hold water. Just because you’re a skeptic or and atheist doesn’t mean that you’re not influenced by the society around you. Here are some examples:

Yesterday Jason Thibeault, no stranger to these parts, wrote a great summary of the recent fight to get trans rights legislation passed in Canada. Basically, no one at all is taking the bill seriously. What’s interesting is that while the petition to get the MPs and media to take notice is languishing in obscurity there is another petition protesting a trans woman being kicked out of a beauty pageant. The petition to get trans people the rights they deserve and need is being mostly ignored while the petition to protest a cis-normative appearing trans woman being excluded from a venue for objectifying women is crazy popular, guys. The takeaway: Society wants to masturbate to trans people but not allow them any basic rights or dignity.

Blogs get a lot of searches in the form of questions. Occasionally I will be answering those questions. Sometimes I’ll answer a themed group, sometimes it will be a miscellaneous collection.

[Even your grandma got called a slut.]

###How do I know if I am a slut?

The cynical answer is “Someone will tell you.” The truth is that “slut” is, as our friend Matt Gubser has pointed out , a stupid insult. Calling a woman a slut or a whore is simply a way of policing and controlling her sexual freedom. Society has a complex about female sexual expression and in the mainstream women are either prudes (not sexual enough) or sluts (too sexual, or sexual in “inappropriate” ways). Being called a slut or a whore simply means someone has noticed that you have a sexual life and wants to make you feel shitty about it, wants to distract from your actual accomplishments or points (see Limbaugh v. Fluke), or wants to convince people that you’re not worthy of associating with. Those people are wrong and are failures at being good people.

There seem to be a lot of men that enjoy gawking at hot chicks on the street. No matter how old the man is, whether he is married or single, he sees no problem with checking out all the women in sight. We are men after all, and we find women attractive, and have an urge to look at them. So, why not? It’s a powerful urge anyway. It’s almost impossible to resist. So why feel guilty about doing something that is fun, harmless, and that we can’t even help anyway?

Sunday at the American Atheists’ National Convention those of us paying attention heard of a new group: Secular ProLife , who tag themselves as “Pro-life for a reason.” They may be religious people in secularists’ clothing, trying to tap in to what they see as an anti-woman market for their ideas in the secular community. They may also be genuinely secular people who want to share their message with their fellow atheists. In either case I’m disgusted, angry, and disappointed. What I am not is shocked or surprised. There are many examples of anti-abortion atheists , and how many are surprised that the late Christopher Hitchens wasn’t entirely on board with a woman’s right to choose? The fact is that there are anti-abortionists in our ranks and they have been for some time.

I’ll give Rush Limbaugh one thing, he’s good at meme-generation. Though he says his friend at the Cato institute coined the word , “feminazi” sure has caught on over the last 20 years. “Feminazi” is, of course a ridiculous auto-Godwinning slur to throw around but it represents something much more widespread: the fact that the straw feminist is what so many people see as the “real” feminist.

It’s an old joke that anything someone says that follows " I’m not a racist, but…" is always going to be horribly racist. How often do you hear people, especially women say “I’m not a feminist, but…” and then say something that is, frankly, feminist? When did being a feminist become the moral equivalent, in some people’s minds, of racism and homophobia? What’s next? “I don’t hate feminists, some of my best friends are feminists.”

Sasha here. Of course. I’m going to be awfully busy for the next week because in addition to running MTM I work full time and am also recently returned to college. This week school is monopolizing my reading and writing time and I haven’t had a lot of guest submissions or anyone interested in being a staff writer . So, unless I get more time or we get some new submissions I expect this place to be quiet until next week. Sorry about that, but it is what it is.

Ouch. Yesterday Crommunist , who I admire and like, referred to my post about International Men’s Day as an example of “woefully ignorant, knee-jerk reactions to misogyny” . I’m not gonna argue with him, but instead see if we can talk about things. [Crommunist has clarified. He was referring to the “Why isn’t there an International Men’s Day” question – not my post in reply – as woefully ignorant and kneejerk. We are, and always have been, all good.]

[caption id=“attachment_727” align=“alignleft” width=“210” caption=“I’m not the only one thinking of goatse, right?”]

Today is International Women’s Day , which is awesome. If you don’t know much about the history of the day, I encourage you to look in to it. Pretty awesome stuff. But today I’m addressing the inevitable “What about the men??” cries that we always hear. Last month we heard people (like we do every year) ask why there’s no White History Month. (There are 11 of them.) Today some casually sexist curious people are wondering why isn’t there an International Men’s Day. Well, the short answer is that there is one .

[Today’s guest post is from a teacher who would like us to examine our assumptions about people based on appearance.]

Today I read an article about a 13-year-old student who said that the white teachers were not letting the minorities succeed. The student said the teacher just gave hand-outs that half of the students could not read. Later in the article it says that if there were more black teachers that the white teachers couldn’t hold the minorities back.

On Friday there was a bit of a kerfuffle about a new billboard from American Atheists, Inc . The billboard is a response to Pennsylvania’s stupid new “Year of the Bible ” as designated by the state legislature. I think most atheists, non-believers, and secularists see the problem with the government decreeing any year a year for Biblical thinking and study - that pesky 1st Amendment we all love. The problem many people had is the imagery and message used in the ad. It struck many of us as racist at worse or insensitive at best. Here it is:

Something that Natalie Reed touched on, is the fact that straight, white, cis men are seen as the “[default]“(https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MenAreGenericWomenAreSpecial) . This cultural message leads some male skeptics, who should really know better, to have internalized an idea that minorities have biases (because, obviously, they’re different!) and they do not. I think this is the biggest factor leading to what’s come to be called “mansplaining“. (When you think about it, “[mansplaining]”(https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Mansplain ) is not much different from what many skeptics and atheists do all the time when talk to theists, climate change deniers, creationists, anti-vaxers, etc. The difference here is that they aren’t really talkinmg facts, they’re often talking feelings – filtered through bias.) As a student of history I’ve learned the lesson all historians have to get really quick: Everyone is biased.

[I asked Natalie Reed if I could publish this here because she makes a point I have been failing to make, and she makes it much better than I could have. It originally appeared on February 20, 2012. And yes, she’s our first non-white dude contributor, but we’re looking for more .]

This post is not going to be another discussion of Loftus or his remarks. There’s not really any need to carry that any further, I feel comfortable with how this resolved and like there isn’t much left to be said. I also feel for the most part that his comments speak for themselves, and my colleagues at FTB have already done a great job of defending my worth and discussing why his diversity-hire comment was not okay and crossed the line.

Want the opportunity to share your cinematic vision with hundreds of other atheists, skeptics, and freethinkers on the big screen, and a chance to win $250? Every year, the Atheist Film Festival in San Francisco (AFF) features a selection of provocative, engaging, thought-provoking, and/or hilarious short films. _Whether you’re an amateur filmmaker, pro, semi-pro, or never operated a camera other than your smart phone, they want to see what you can come up with!

I despair and come close to just saying “fuck it” and abandoning my participation in the skeptic and atheist communities on at least a weekly basis because of how often I see unconscionable behavior not only happen but being defended by man, and in some cases at least tolerated by very prominent leaders in our community. Sam Harris has famously argued that “moderate”, liberal theists provide cover for religious extremists. I see the same thing happening here. People who defend “minor” sexist acts and ideas, or who even just avoid talking about it are providing cover and a safe-haven for the people who threaten to rape 15 year old girls on reddit and who actually commit sexual assault and rape.

From the start there has been a lot of internal and external discussion of whether or not a project like More Than Men with it’s country-club style membership can really serve a purpose in the movement for greater equality and diversity. Obviously I think it can, if only because there are some people who are receptive to the message but because of how society trains them they have a harder time hearing and understanding a minority voice. But straight, white, cis, able-bodied men can’t be all there is anywhere. Now that we’ve got almost two months behind us here it’s time to get closer to where I’ve wanted us to be all along.

Not only will I be attending (though not speaking), but we’ve managed to get an even split between male and female speakers including our parent organization’s president, Elyse Anders of the Women Thinking Free Foundation.

Tickets until April 1st are $50 ($35 for students) and $60 for everyone thereafter so, get your tickets soon and save yourself some money for the bar!

That’s just not true. I’m going to admit something right now. I’m a straight, white guy with a middle-class upbringing. I am also, irrevocably racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, and probably a host of other -ists and -phobics that you can toss at me. I’m like this because I’m a product of a society that is also racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, and all the others. I’ve been taught a certain view of normalcy, and as a result, I act with mannerisms that reflect this certain view. It’s not an attempt to insult; I’m not consciously discriminatory. But it’s still there.

Something lighter today. My good friend and my favorite comedian Matt Gubser gives his take on the questions I asked on Friday . This is him working on his bit before it’s completely finished, so he’s asked that you not judge him by it. I think it’s hilarious, though.(Video is NSFW due to some salty language.)

Don’t worry about having something “original” to say (lord knows I’m not very original), or for it being super-duper polished (you’ve read my work, right), just write a few hundred words, make a video, draw a picture…and send it to me ! Tell us that diversity is important to you. Tell us what you’re doing to make things better.

Also, still looking for a couple of staff writers who can post once or twice a week. I am a busy guy and I need help to make this place as awesome as it can be. Get in touch , please.

Bullshit.

First off, we all have stories about that atheist who is not a critical thinker. My own is a guy who laughed at Christianity because their sole evidence was a book that is a few thousand years old. In the next breath he sang the praises of traditional Chinese magical ground-up penis herbal medicine, because it’s been practiced for thousands of years. In other words what was laughable as evidence for Christianity was compelling evidence for something that appealed to him. What does this mean? This means that rejecting religion doesn’t mean rejecting bullshit. According to Christopher Bader’s Paranormal America , 42% of the non-religious believe in the mythical Atlantis.

Is there a difference, as some have told me there is, between saying a woman “dresses like a slut” and calling her a slut?

Is there a difference between calling a man a whore and calling a woman a whore? Please explain why you think so.

Are women responsible for the sexual behavior of men around them if they dress a certain way? Where does that line get drawn? What does that say about men and their agency as humans?

Here’s the thing: unless you start being an asshole I’m not trying to make you feel like a crappy person. We’re all forced into this system and we have to reason our way out of it. Just like many of us reject the “common sense” arguments for religious belief and then we ask questions and gather information and draw a conclusion. Your average theist isn’t stupid or evil, they just haven’t done the work or had that “deconversion” moment. When you start kicking and screaming and throwing temper tantrums because someone has challenged your assumptions what does that make you? Does that make you a free-thinker? A skeptic? No, it makes you a tradition-bound and close-minded person who is being willfully ignorant. When you reject new information because it is inconvenient (or because maybe you just don’t trust women, perhaps) then you become an asshole.

Lets look at some of these categories and some of the groups (western) society recognizes with them:

###Sex and Gender

• Male
  • Female
  • Intersex
  • Transgender
  • Cisgender

###Race

• Black
  • White
  • Latino
  • Asian
  • Native American

###Religious Belief

• Atheist

  • Christian
  • Jewish
  • Muslim
  • Hindu ###Ability

• Disabled

  • Currently able-bodied

###Sexuality

• Heterosexual
  • Homosexual
  • Bisexual

###Class

• Rich
  • Poor
  • Working class
  • Middle class
  • Upper class

###Appearance

• Conforming
  • Non-conforming

…I could go on and on, but I think we have enough to work with. As you look over those you will no doubt see that in every category there is a group with more privilege than the others. Some have less privilege (remember we’re talking about special advantages or immunities here) than the “top dog”, but more than other groups in the category. Got it?

A reader hipped me to a video recently. I watched it. I can see the appeal, since it’s a video all about being awesomer to people. Something about it didn’t sit right with me, though. Here, you watch and then we’ll get back together after the jump and compare notes.

Okay, so, yes, it’s not nice to call people homophobic names. It also doesn’t make you more straight to do so. (I think the only thing that makes men straight - or at least bisexual - is cunnilingus. True story.) I have two problems with the video that won’t let me endorse it completely:

_ [This article was originally posted on August 29th, 2011 at Skeptic Freethought .]_

[caption id=“attachment_596” align=“alignleft” width=“122” caption=“Hoping that I don’t sound like this.”]

“Feminist” is a polarizing word. You’ll generally see it used in one of two ways: as self-identification by people who consider themselves feminists, and as a pejorative by people who do not.

It’s a word with an ugly connotation in many people’s minds, not unlike the word “atheist”; people hear the “-ist” suffix and infer an ideology that seeks feminine supremacy rather than gender equality, just as many see atheism as a rebellious denial of God rather than an affirmative acceptance of a godless universe.

[caption id=“attachment_580” align=“alignleft” width=“150” caption=“Unfit for civilization.”]

In the last day much has been said about “The Amazing Atheist”, most notably (from my chair) by Jen McCreight , Greg Laden , and PZ Myers . Until this morning I didn’t intend to address it in this space until reading the comment’s on PZ’s piece filled me with such a dark, bleak sense of despair about the state of humanity and the atheist/skeptical community. So, I’d like to start out by stating, very clearly, exactly how I feel about this “Amazing” guy and his defenders.

[This piece was originally published on January 30, 2012]

“Why do you say ‘white people’ have privilege? Not every white person has racial issues! Shouldn’t you say some white people?”

“Why do you say that men objectify and abuse women? Not every man does that! Shouldn’t you say some men?”

“Why do you say that atheists have to be more welcoming to women? Some atheists are women! Shouldn’t you say some atheists?”

In addition to seeking one-time contributions, we’re looking for one or two new staff bloggers. Please send me a message (sasha AT womenthinkingfree DOT org) with a little bit about yourself, a couple samples of your writing, and a drive to promote diversity in our communities. (You will have a salary of imaginary bacon, which is how we pay people around here. Yes, it’s vegan.)

Thanks for an interesting month, and an upcoming interesting year,

Well, the truth is there is a long history of secularism and humanism in the African-American community and it’s long past time that the rest of us took notice. There’s also a way we can help the growing numbers of atheists and free-thinkers of color. It’s call the Day of Solidarity for Black Non-Believers and I encourage you to help spread the word.

That last link was to a brand new site, African-Americans for Humanism , and it’s one I’m really excited about. I salute Debbie Goddard and thank her for her work on this project. I’m a white dude, but I know how important this is and hope to see her soon overwhelmed with work as this project takes off. I will also be looking at ways I can help the cause.

[caption id=“attachment_517” align=“alignleft” width=“200” caption=“The Friendzone (actual photo)”]

A lot of guys, and all Nice Guys™, like to talk about the Friendzone, which is a desolate wasteland of no-sex that men are cast into by callous women who don’t want to fuck them. It works like this: Dude likes a lady. I mean he REALLY likes her. She likes him, but she doesn’t LIKE like him. He is banished to the Friendzone and his penis is dry forever after. What’s worse, she keeps being friends with the guy who she has betrayed (by not sucking his dick) and has the audacity to date and copulate with OTHER DUDES who are obviously inferior to our hero.

“Just read your guide to not being a misogynist . I’m very interested in your views on privilege from here in England. It’s interesting to see how hot you are at proclaiming white, male, heterosexual males to be privileged.

“I agree to a certain extent, but domestically I feel that class, socio-economic, health and educational attainment are just as important. Therefore, in your mind I’m possibly one of those males who you may consider ‘just don’t get it’.

As we all know , the condition of one’s body has little bearing on their mind and what they can contribute to our communities. As someone who helps organize a skeptical conference in Northern California I found myself thinking how event organizers can take some extra steps to ensure that we don’t miss out on hearing any worthy voices in our cause. I asked for some input from skeptics and atheists with disabilities and have a few ideas myself. So, what can we do to make our events accessible to everyone?

We here at More Than Men love this guy, and hope he will soon contribute to the site directly.

[A slightly different version of this piece was posted on Sasha’s personal site . It is being reposted for this new audience.]

1. Women are nice to look at. They’re quite often pretty, they have an appealing shape, and our sexuality drives us to want to copulate with them. 2. __Women who are intelligent and/or who agree with our world view are even nicer to look at. __I don’t know a single person in our communities who doesn’t say they are more attracted to other members of our community than they are to people with different views on science, rationalism, and religion.

Still with me? Good. Now there are some things I want to point out that some of my fellow guys seem to be missing.

[This article was originally posted on the author’s blog .]

“A three-judge federal appeals panel ruled Friday that the state of Texas can move ahead with enforcement of a law requiring doctors to provide a sonogram to pregnant women before they get an abortion.”

“As written, the law would require women seeking an abortion in Texas to view a picture of the embryo or fetus and hear a description of its development before having the procedure.”

[caption id=“attachment_469” align=“alignleft” width=“240” caption=“Diversity makes many things easier.”]

One of the most often cited ways to encourage diversity within our communities is to promote diversity amongst the speakers we feature at our events. There has been a lot of high-profile success in this - TAM has been approaching 50/50 gender representation, for instance - but there still seem to be a lot of mostly-white, mostly-male speaker rosters and panels. One way that has been proposed for speakers to take action is for white men to decline an invitation to speak at an event or on a panel that lacks diversity . Those of us who organize conferences and events have even more power to make a change because we’re the one making invitations in the first place.

[caption id=“attachment_422” align=“alignright” width=“240” caption=“Photo: Andrew Becraft”]

• FOGcon is a feminist-friendly literary science fiction convention . And it’s happening in my back yard at the end of March. Feminist nerds, unite!
  • The Good Men Project shared our critique of them with their readers . The commentors there when nuts. Sasha is now a hipster lady . And now you can share your awesomely stupid anti-diversity comments on a Tumblr !
  • Shuffling feet: a black man’s view on Schroedinger’s Rapist . A dismantling of a common “argument” used by the anti-diversity side, written by someone who knows.
  • Obama guaranteed near-universal contraceptive coverage . This is pretty important stuff because, well, women should get to choose when or if they are pregnant. You all know that right? Just checking.
  • The fine folks at SPARK have a great letter to the people at LEGO about what’s wrong with the problems they (and we) see with LEGO marketing. I encourage you to go sign their petition , before or after you hear Bailey Shoemaker Richards talk to NPR about the issue .
  • A young woman in Costa Rica is improving science education and outreach for her fellow high school students . She needs helps finding speakers for her second year doing so. Are you a space scientist or do you know one? Here’s your chance to promote diversity for realsies.

Here’s the final part of the great video series from Greg Laden and friends. You can see part one here and part two here . (Greg is the submitter. Featured in this chapter are C. Anderson, Stephanie Zvan , Natalie Wagner, and Serena.)

If you would like to contribute a video, blog post, or anything else, [check out how]. Editorial note: the link to the Contribute page is no longer active.

Here’s the second part of the great video series from Greg Laden and friends. You can see part one here . The final part will post tomorrow. (Like the last one, Greg organized this, the person in this part is Asha .)